Inner Twin (Intersex Triptych I)

You

Me

We sit there sexless

Transcending gender

As your form refuses

To settle

Into one potential

Beautiful, handsome

You reflect

What I wish I could be

What I wish I could live

What I wish I could walk in

And walk out

As you reflect my wishes

I reflect norms

And culturally appropriate

Subversion

Style that is rebellious enough

To be noticed

Yet not enough to be mocked

I

Like everyone

Wear masks

And costumes

My outward identity

And internal chemistry

Come from a lab

I slather on maleness

In sticky white gel

So I can have this beard

And these broad shoulders

Instead of the lithe and limber

Body

Enrobed in hairless skin

Of extended youth

My chromosomes

Transcend exes and whys

Hieroglyphic mutants

Inscribe the walls of my temple

With chimera

Half boy

Half girl

Still, I fit in

Identify

And mind my pronouns

A life inside your boxes

Detail from Quantum Identity 1: Trash and Luxury, Competing Imposters

Bodhisattva Guanyin (Kuan-yin). Chinese, 11th/12th century, wood with paint, from the collection of the Nelson-Atkins Museum, Kansas City, MO. This is perhaps one of the most well-known and respected archetypes of a non-gendered or multi-gendered ideal. It had a profound influence on me while I was grappling with the discovery of my chromosome translocation, which biologically explained my intersex identity and “abnormal” body that was neither fully male or female (or, depending on how you look at it, both fully male  and  fully female). This is similar to how I imagined my soul might look if it could fully manifest in my body, and is the closest thing I can find to how I always felt in response to gender.

Bodhisattva Guanyin (Kuan-yin). Chinese, 11th/12th century, wood with paint, from the collection of the Nelson-Atkins Museum, Kansas City, MO. This is perhaps one of the most well-known and respected archetypes of a non-gendered or multi-gendered ideal. It had a profound influence on me while I was grappling with the discovery of my chromosome translocation, which biologically explained my intersex identity and “abnormal” body that was neither fully male or female (or, depending on how you look at it, both fully male and fully female). This is similar to how I imagined my soul might look if it could fully manifest in my body, and is the closest thing I can find to how I always felt in response to gender.